Accustomed to waxing lyrical over the latest trends or celebrity gossip?  Well, one needs to be more conservative in their speech when speaking on the telephone at Club Fed.

Phone time is limited and seems to evaporate at warp speed when it is counted.

Individual calls are limited to 15 minutes and individuals are allotted a monthly total of 300 minutes*  So, one can either use up all of their allotment in a few days or they can spread it out over the month.

Judicious thought needs to be given to whom and when calls are made so that it can be spread over a longer period of time.

Some people put together elaborate monthly plans allocating minutes by friend/family member as well as calculating the number of days between calls.

Uncle Sam is more generous with minutes allocated over the Holidays knowing that more time may be needed to spread the holiday cheer.  On average, 100 extra minutes* are provided in the months of November and December so that one can discuss all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa events they will not be partaking in as a result of their sabbatical.

Keep in mind that the recipient of a call from Club Fed will hear a tape recorded message that they are receiving a call from a member of Club Fed and that they should be prepared to accept the call.  Should the recipient not be available when the call is placed you will not be able to leave a voice mail message.

This scripted message can sound a bit ominous so it is best that the person receiving the call not put you on speakerphone or be in a public place when receiving a call from their Scarlet friend.  Too bad Uncle Sam hasn’t gotten Morgan Freeman or George Clooney to record the message….it would be so much more soothing….and, dare I say, sexy.

*This can vary from Camp to Camp